im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
