Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
