It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
