i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
