My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
