hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
