Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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