just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
