Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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