He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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