it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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