Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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