I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
