Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
