I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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