Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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