if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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