Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
did i just pee glitter
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
