please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
