how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
