2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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