will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
