I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
