Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
