I am spending my child support on dildos
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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