sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
