what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
