why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
