you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
