It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
