TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
