hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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