I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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