Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
