he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i've created a new STD.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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