now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
