Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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