I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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