If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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