omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
