There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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