you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
