I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
