The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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