apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
