so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i came on her dog
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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