im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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