Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize