hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
