The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
