I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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