The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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