Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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