sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
