I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
