And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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