Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
