do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
