just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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