We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
