does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
