she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
