Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
