and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
