I think my vagina is haunted
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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