I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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