false alarm. still invincible.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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