he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
