Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
